


I Found Love Where It Wasn't Supposed to Be

by vulcanarmr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, But it's there, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Dean Winchester in Purgatory, Established Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Gen, Holding Hands, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kinda, M/M, Minor Castiel/Dean Winchester, No Smut, POV Benny Lafitte, Post-Episode: s08e19 Taxi Driver, Purgatory, Season/Series 08, Some Fluff, and in s15 its referenced he died in purgatory, bc he died to get to purgatory, but idk, i love deanbenny almost as much as i love deancas okay, i'm so tired i'm sorry if there's grammar mistakes, idk how to tag this, if you don't like the ship don't read lol don't be rude, ish, sorta - Freeform, they don't really talk about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26766124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcanarmr/pseuds/vulcanarmr
Summary: Benny just saved Sam and Bobby from Purgatory, and now he's stuck there. He reflects upon his past time with Dean in this place.
Relationships: Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	I Found Love Where It Wasn't Supposed to Be

**Author's Note:**

> just some deanbenny angst bc i love them and miss benny <3
> 
> (thank you so much to my bae for giving me the idea to write this, love you to pieces darling)

There’s a split second where Benny thinks he’s going to be killed.

Again.

The weight of the other two vampires pushes him down, his shoulders and spine pressing hard against the twigs, and the stones, and the rocks, and the dirt. Dean’s brother calls out his name once, but it’s faint. Benny doesn’t look. Doesn’t need to. Sam’s won’t try to save him, won’t try to bring him back, won’t do anything except leave. And that’s alright, really. Benny wouldn’t expect any less. As long as Sam tells Dean, nothing else matters.

_“Jus’ make sure you tell Dean I said goodbye.”_

The thought gets Benny to push the notion of dying away and throw it to the back of his mind. He opens his mouth; fangs emerge, and he finds the strength to push one of the other vampires away, hard. That gives Benny the time to roll over quickly, and he’s on top of the other one, and his arm is swinging, and the blade slices across the air, and her neck resists, but Benny swings hard, and there’s the sound of metal through flesh. She’s dead. He doesn’t have time to even breathe before the other one’s on him again, but Benny fights, struggles, scratches, hacks, bites, and then the other one’s dead, too. There’s a lot of blood. Benny doesn’t pay attention to it.

His fangs retract, and he starts walking, waiting for more to show up, or not. He doesn’t really know. He just walks, and he walks, and he walks, and he walks, and he thinks. His thoughts don’t take too much control, because he won’t let them, because he needs to stay sharp. It’s all coming back to him, the clearness, the purity, the kill-or-be-killed aspect of it all. This place. It’s cold. Not literally, not freezing, it just _feels_ cold. Cool. Simple. Benny thinks of that. And he thinks of Dean.

There’s a lot to think about when it comes to Dean. So many things about him. So many memories. When Dean needed sleep—he was still human, and very much not dead, after all—Benny would keep watch. Dean had slept against rocks or tree trunks, mostly, and after the first few distrust-filled nights, Benny sat right beside him. He doesn’t know for sure when it started, but sometimes he would waste time counting the breaths Dean took. _In and out, one. In and out, two. In and out, three. In and out, four._ He never focused too much on that. Not enough to be distracted and potentially get them both killed, anyway. But it did pass the time. And it was reassuring, somehow. 

Dean had always insisted on taking a shift as well, and Benny let him. He himself didn’t need to sleep. Death will do that to you. But he didn’t mind it. It had been a long time since he was able to rest; before Dean, there was no one to keep watch and make sure he wouldn’t be slaughtered. Sleep wasn’t all that bad. Sometimes he dreamed. He didn’t know it was possible to dream in Purgatory. But he did. And the dreams weren’t terrible. They were the only time he could be distracted. For a while. Even though they weren’t exactly good dreams. They were good enough, and sometimes Dean was in them. Those dreams always seemed better. Not perfect, not good, but better. 

Benny hadn’t always slept. Sometimes, he would just lay awake with his eyes closed, waiting for sleep to find him, trying to rest. And sometimes he would feel Dean get up from his place beside him, take thirteen steps away, and he would start talking. The first time that had happened, Benny thought Dean was running off. But it was only thirteen steps. It was always thirteen steps. And then he would talk. He would say things like “where are ya, buddy” and “I killed seven vamps today” and “you better be okay, you dumb sonuvabitch”. Sometimes he would say “I miss you”. Benny never dared to ask about what had happened with Dean and the angel. But Dean must’ve known he was curious somehow or something, because he told Benny one day. He told him about his angel friend, about when they had first arrived, about how the angel—Castiel—left. They didn’t talk much about that afterwards. But it was a reminder that the deal wasn’t just to get out. It was to find the angel _and then_ get out.

But they hadn’t found the angel for a while. In the months before that, trust grew like vines, wrapping around them and binding them together. They were within a yard of each other almost constantly. When they walked, sometimes the fingers of the hands not gripped tightly around a weapon would brush against each other. For just a moment. Benny doesn’t remember exactly when that started either. He just knows that it did. That and more. The vines had slowly tugged them closer, and there were things Benny didn’t really realize at first, but that he slowly came to notice and appreciate and even enjoy. Hooked arms when they sat down to rest. Heads leaned against shoulders. Gentle whispers about stuff neither of them had anyone else to tell. Intertwined fingers. The brush of lips against the back of a hand.

They never spoke about it.

They didn’t have the time to worry or talk about that sort of thing when they were fighting for their lives half the time.

When they had found the angel, Benny could immediately tell he and Dean were connected. There were vines of trust between them, as well. And for whatever reason, Benny didn’t know what to feel about it. He didn’t trust the angel. He had left Dean. Why would he leave Dean? He had given his reasons, but Benny was still restless about it. There was something strange. Something felt wrong. Something had changed in the atmosphere when they had found Castiel. And Benny didn’t trust it. He didn’t know why. Not then. But Dean didn’t doubt the angel, and despite his reluctance, Benny didn’t doubt Dean.

Despite the strong connection Dean seemed to have with the angel, the stares, the look on his face, the way they seemed to study each other, there were times when Castiel would tell them to rest and walk ahead. Dean always attempted to argue, but he wouldn’t argue for too long. If Castiel had made up his mind, Dean rarely said he would go with him. He often stayed behind, and then it was him and Benny, and they sat back to back, each scanning either side of the landscape, fingers occasionally finding each other for brief, gentle touches, and whispers sometimes finding their way into the air.

“I loved Cas,” Dean had admitted once, and Benny could tell he was sleep deprived, borderline delirious, because he rarely spoke of that sort of thing. Not never, but rarely. “I still love him, I think.” A yawn. “But…” He had trailed off, and Benny had laughed softly, jokingly asking if he’d found some whiskey around that had made him talk like this. Dean nudged him and said nothing, before he spoke the words that will stay in Benny’s mind until he dies. “Just...you’ve never let me down, y’know?”

Benny said nothing. That had been the closest they had come to talking about anything of _that_ nature. And they just left it at that.

When they had finally made it out of Purgatory, they had both been relieved. Dean was obviously upset about Castiel, but he was Dean, so he didn’t talk about it much. Staying apart was strange, after being close for so long. The vines were still there, but Benny felt like he couldn’t see them.

When Dean killed Andrea, it had stung. Of course it had. But she wasn’t the same. She had been dead for a long time. And Benny wasn’t the same, either. Time changes people. And whatever Benny felt looking further than the sting was driving him mad. He finally asked, because he couldn’t help himself. He asked Dean why he hadn’t just betrayed him. And Dean, to put it simply, had said because he cares. That was enough. Benny hadn’t known what he was feeling or why he had felt the need to ask then, but he understands now.

It wasn’t meant to last, obviously. Something like that never does. Benny’s made peace with that. He made peace with it even before Dean asked him for that favour. Damn, did that still hurt, though. It didn’t have to last, but being killed by the man he loves wasn’t the way he wanted it to end, either. But Benny knows he doesn’t belong on earth. He doesn’t belong with humans. He doesn’t belong with Dean. That’s why he let it happen. That’s why he let Dean kill him, and he saw then that Dean really did care. Even though he was about to kill him, he cared. And that’s good. That’s what matters. They found each other in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and so it wasn’t meant to be, but they both care. And Benny knows Dean will be okay. He has his brother back now, and he has his angel back.

And even though he doesn’t want to admit it, Benny almost hopes he’ll bring him back, too. Somehow. When the time is right.

There’s the sound of snarling, and Benny pulls himself out of his thoughts, readies his weapon, bares his teeth, and he waits.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed that!! comments and kudos are always appreciated <3
> 
> have a lovely day/night!!


End file.
